


Sans Undertale VS Ninja

by grey_waters



Category: Real Person Fiction, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Epic Battles, Gen, Violence, absurdity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22132030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey_waters/pseuds/grey_waters
Summary: After popular videogame streamer "Ninja" insults Undertale on a stream, Sans sets out for revenge. But is all as it seems in this showdown?(Not to be taken seriously in the slightest, if the premise didn't tip you off. I do not condone or encourage violence against any real people.)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Sans Undertale VS Ninja

Ever since Sans had been exposed to that mysterious substance in Alphys' lab a week or two ago, he had seriously changed. He was energetic- more willing to exercise with Undyne, more willing to help Papyrus build his crazy puzzles. But he was also more aggressive. Last Tuesday he yelled at a teen just for spilling her drink on his coffee stand.  
Alphys worriedly reflected on this events while she scrolled through social media, not really reading the posts.  
Suddenly she heard a loud crash from downstairs. As she descended the moving walkway she saw Sans seated at her computer. The crash had apparently come from the large pile of food boxes he had knocked over.  
"Sans, what's wrong?!" Alphys ran over to him. Sans gestured to the screen. It was a Youtube video of a man with short blue hair. Sans turned up the volume while the man spoke.  
"...you know, one of the reasons I really love Fortnite is that it knows exactly what it wants to be, what sort of experience it wants to deliver to its players. It's not one of those weird or... pretentious games, like, like Disco Elysium or Undertale.”  
Sans jabbed the spacebar to pause the video and hissed in anger.  
"He's gone too far, insulting our game. I'm going to track videogame streamer 'Ninja' down and I'm going to make him pay!"  
Alphys grabbed his arm. She had never seen Sans lose his cool like this before. "Wait, Sans! You're overreacting. There's no need to-"  
Sans whirled around and blasted her with his bone magic. "Back off, Alphys! This doesn't concern you! I'll be back once I've got my revenge."  
Still doubled over from the strike, Alphys could only watch as he teleported away.

Far away in his Alaskan home, Ninja was enjoying a tall glass of water in his living room, having wrapped up a stream about 45 minutes ago. Suddenly, his window crashed in and a Gaster Blaster floated through. Ninja had barely turned to face the skull-like device before it opened its mouth and shot a beam of energy at him.  
Sans stepped through the door of the home.He saw the destruction where his Gaster Blaster had struck, but narrowed his eyes upon noticing the lack of blood.  
"There's no way he could have been disintegrated in one hit..." Sans muttered.  
"Correct!" Ninja responded as he dropped from the ceiling above Sans, his ninja sword in one hand. Sans slid out of the way, but did not retaliate.  
"So... Sans Undertale himself, here in my home... to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" Ninja sneered.  
"You know what, streamer. You insulted Undertale. Now it's time to die."  
"And here I thought your game was about compassion... well, I guess there's no getting around it." Ninja replied. "Time for a victory royale."  
Ninja threw down a can of red bull, which exploded in a cloud of mist. Sans tried to dissipate it with his magic, but the cloud just reformed after he dispersed it.  
"Enjoying the refreshment?" Ninja's voice seemed to come from all around. "Sponsors do have their perks. One of them is weapons like these, to protect against maniacs like you."  
"Nice party trick. But the party's over!" Sans retorted. He teleported away. Ninja snapped his fingers and the caffeinated mist fell to the ground. He scanned his home for the hoodie-clad skeleton. Not seeing him anywhere, he raised his sword high and settled into a defensive stance. A few seconds later, the room's ceiling seemed to evaporate as Gaster Blaster beams pummeled through it. Every square foot of the room had its floor blackened by the wild beams of energy that shot down from above.  
Standing on another part of the roof, Sans smirked. "Looks like he got dunked on-" He was cut off by the sword slashing at him from behind. Sans barely managed to block it in time with a bone. Ninja smiled as the two dueled, blade against bone, neither managing to land a hit on the other.  
"That was a nice trick with the blaster barrage. Might have worked in my Halo 3 days. But you'll have to try harder than that!" He suddenly shifted his weight backwards and kicked Sans in the chest. Although Sans's bone-armour absorbed the blow, he was still sent flying backwards, crashing into the wrecked living room.  
Sans quickly got back up on his feet, in time to block Ninja's charge at him. He teleported behind Ninja and swiped at him with a bone. However Ninja was able to roll to the side to avoid it. Sans moved like lightning, summoning bone after bone, but Ninja was always faster. He dodged and weaved through the assault without a scratch.

"Huff... huff... impossible." Sans gasped. "How could you have dodged all my attacks so perfectly? No one has ever done that!"  
"Heh heh heh..." Ninja chuckled. "You have certainly been a tougher opponent than anyone else who has come to face me. In fact... perhaps it's time I show you who I truly am."  
Ninja reached up and unzipped his face mask. Sans gasped in horror.  
"45th president of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump?!"  
"That's right! I started this Ninja persona as a way to blow off steam... golfing is pretty boring, to be honest. But now you threaten to expose me to the world, and I can't let that happen." Trump raised his sword high and brought it down on Sans, who was too tired to dodge. The skeleton was cleaved in two by the powerful strike.  
"Can't stump the Trump, pal." he laughed. Looking around at the home, he groaned at its state of destruction. "Gonna need another small loan for these repairs."  
Trump turned and walked off, leaving Sans dying on the ground. Sans heard a car door slam and tires squeal. He struggled to remain conscious.  
"Gotta stay alive... gotta get..."  
Suddenly, Sans's right eye glowed red. The same red as the mysterious substance he was exposed to in Alphys's lab. Red energy surrounded him as his body reassembled.  
Sans stood back up, grinning as he examined his new body. Bigger. Stronger. Slightly pink in colour.  
"...revenge."

**Author's Note:**

> Might do a second part, if I get a “good” idea. Thanks for reading!


End file.
